Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
