"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
