I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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