I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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