Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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