it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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