dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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