the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
