i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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