Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
