Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
