you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
