Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
