You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
