She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
