i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
