oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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