If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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