Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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