Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
