i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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