i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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