I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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