felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
