His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
