I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
