I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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