did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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