He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
