i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
