the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
