Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
