i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
