Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i already hear my dad disowning me

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(248): View more from Michigan

i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"

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(254): View more from Texas

my sisters under your porch take her home

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(513): View more from Ohio

his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

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(406): View more from Montana

i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.

(1-406): View more from Montana

haha i know

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(856): View more from New Jersey

MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP

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(316): View more from Kansas

I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.

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