I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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