Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
