i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
