I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he shaved USA in his pubs
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
