I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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