I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
