Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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