The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
