Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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