I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just had sex on a roof
All the doctor said was why
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
