my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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