just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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