she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
