Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
