You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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