If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
