Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
