We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
