Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
