i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I party with great urgency now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
