ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
