Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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