I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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