Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
