Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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