I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
