ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize