actually, I'm a sock model
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
