evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
