It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
