just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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