My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
