she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
