so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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