help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
