I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
