I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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