you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
